Four Reasons: Mitt, Mugabe, Hillaryis44 & More!

Four Reasons to Doubt the Existence of God or any Benevolent Supreme Being, starring:

1. Hackers who deliberately tried to cause epileptic seizures and migraine headaches
2. Mitt Romney
3. Lisa Mayne, who stole from her Alzheimer's-stricken father
4. Pro-Mugabe thugs and killers terrorizing Zimbabwe

and one small reason to feel hopeful:

1. An end to inhumane gassing in Illinois animal shelters

Prepare to test your faith below.

Reason #1: Perhaps the Most Despicable Web Site Hack Ever

Is everyone indeed created in God's image? If so, at least a small part of God is a cruel, heartless douchebag. Witness the recent behavior of some truly despicable web site hackers:

...Hackers recently bombarded the Epilepsy Foundation's Web site with hundreds of pictures and links to pages with rapidly flashing images. The breach triggered severe migraines and near-seizure reactions.... People with photosensitive epilepsy can get seizures when they're exposed to flickering images, a response also caused by some video games and cartoons.

Why would someone do this? Wouldn't it be a better use of their time to write about Hillary Clinton's popular vote "lead" at myDD or post half-baked theories about Barack Obama's smoking at Hillaryis44.org?

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Reason #2: Mitt "Please Pick Me for Veep" Romney

Mitt Romney, self-appointed presidential candidate and J.C. Penney underwear model, has stepped up his transparent pursuit of the Dick Cheney Branch of Government, formerly called the vice presidency. He's adopted John McCain's talking points about Barack Obama:

(Obama) has not accomplished anything during his life in terms of legislation or leading an enterprise or making a business work or a city work or a state work. He really has very little experience, and, you know, the presidency of the United States is not an internship.

Listen up and learn! This is the way a successful, civilized businessman calls a black man "boy." After all, Romney's father marched with Martin Luther King, right?

What does Multiple Choice Mitt have to say in praise of John McCain't Control His Anger?

....I honestly believe that you're going to see America choose somebody who has been tested and proven who has been able to demonstrate time and again that he understands how to make the economy work....

McCain himself might disagree with you there, Mitt. The best economic stimulus package McCain ever came up involved an engagement ring.

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Reason #3: Stealing money from your elderly father... when he gets Alzheimer's

If hell doesn't exist, let's build it and gather enough cash to make a down payment on a house for Lisa Mayne. Last year her father, 77-year-old Donald Mayne of Minnesota, began to exhibit symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. So she did what any loving daughter would do: she gained power of attorney over her father and withdrew $60,000 from his bank accounts.

And that was just the beginning of his woes:

Because of his daughter's actions, local authorities tried to strip Mayne of government benefits that help pay for his care in an Eagan assisted-living facility. They cited laws that require states to crack down on clients who shed assets to qualify for that kind of government assistance.

Lisa Mayne goes on trial in June for three counts of theft by swindle.

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Reason #4: Mugabe's Thugs Wreaking Havoc in Zimbabwe

As the people of this southeast African nation await a possible presidential runoff election, democracy is actively, and brutally, discouraged:

Two large truckloads of youths, led by two senior members of President Robert Mugabe's party, marauded through Chiweshe, a rural area about 90 miles north of the capital, Harare, and beat prominent opposition members with branches, gun butts, bicycle chains and whips, party officials said. Four of the victims were teachers, and at least two were elderly.

The victims were not chosen randomly:

In the neighborhood where the 11 people were killed Monday, Mushonga said, (opposition leader Morgan) Tsvangirai got 70 votes, compared with 15 for Mugabe.

Mugabe has ruled Zimbabwe for 28 years. No date has been set for the runoff election. Originally I was going to write something to the effect of, "Gee, doesn't this give you some perspective about how silly the Clinton-Obama fight has been?" I wish I could, but a paranoid voice inside of me is not 100% sure that we will have a peaceful transition of power in this country come January 2009 if McCain does not win the election.

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And that small reason to feel hopeful?

At least some of us will get to die a little less slowly and painfully....

The Illinois House of Representatives voted 110-0 to ban the use of gas chambers to put down stray animals in shelters. Call me cynical, but I was pleasantly surprised that not a single Republican voted to uphold this cruel and inhumane practice.

If only they could find it in their hearts to extend this philosophical stand to human beings....

Until next time, friends.